If only he knew
by ArmBar15
Summary: CENTON! - Story is better than the summary! ;)
1. Chapter 1

The glistening ray of sunlight intruding through the paper thin hotel blinds put a permanent end to the little amount of restless sleep John managed to get. It had been like this for a few days now. No matter how hard he tried or how tired he was, he just couldn't get to sleep. He had noticed that things began to...change recently, as if he had been completely blind to everything that had happened over the past 12 years. As much as he just wanted to let it go, to say everything, (even just for a good nights sleep), he knew he couldn't. John knew that he'd just have to suffer with the shitty nights and groggy days until he plucked up enough courage to speak up. He would of been lying to himself if he said, at this point, that the day where that happens would be coming anytime soon. He didn't want to risk it. He didn't want to risk...everything...just so he could get some sleep. Sleep wouldn't be worth the internal torment he would go through if he got any sort of bad reaction. It was all he had. No partner, no kids, nothing. John would do anything it takes to hold on to this for as long as he possibly could, because he knew he would be nothing without 'it'.

After lying with his hand clasped and eyes focused on the ceiling for what felt like forever, John sat up; defeated by this own mind. Slowly, he stretched out his still clasped hands and moved the crinkled bed sheets down from his chest and propped himself up in his bed. The room was now silent with the exception of a small sigh being let out by John, and the light breathing of the man who lay uncomfortably on a small sofa just a few feet away. Randy had insisted that John take the bed after his reservations had gotten lost the night before, and he was in quite a lot of pain after a funny landing in his match that night. What was admittedly an incredibly nice gesture on Randy's part was only met with a fake smile and an awkward smile in return. John felt bad about this, but he would once again be lying to himself if he had said that he would rather be anywhere else. He'd been trying to, reluctantly, avoid Randy for a while. Thinking about this made John cringe a little, scrunching up his face. What kind of friend was he? Trying to avoid the one constant he'd actually had in his life. Truth be told, he'd began noticing the change a few weeks ago. Normal friendly things like a pat on the shoulder or a quick hug suddenly became cherished in John's mind. Suddenly, he couldn't get enough of them. He...craved...Randy's touch.

 _'I've probably just been alone for too long'_... John would repeat to himself, trying to write off these feelings as desperation. He knew that was a lie, but he constantly tried to convince himself otherwise. Not for his sanity, but for what it would do to the relationship that they had already. Randy was John's lifeline. His one trustworthy port of call for anything that might have been troubling him. Sometimes, even just his presence would make John feel safe; feel comfortable...feel happy. Happiness had been lost for John for a while now. Sure, he loved his job and was the happiest anybody could be while at work, but that was different. His last relationship was three years ago and that only lasted a few months. He felt hopeless. He must be a terrible person, otherwise he would have somebody, right? These self deprecating thoughts ran rampant in John's mind when he wasn't at work. But, he knew he'd be in for a rough few days after the roster had been given a few days off before the show last night. John didn't feel like flying home just to be alone, and with Randy's relationship seemingly in ruins, he opted to stay in Florida with John for their few days off before they had to fly to Baltimore for Raw the following Monday. Not only did he feel awful for effectively relegating Randy to the sofa in his own room, but he'd taken him away from his family.

 _'I'm a piece of shit...'_ John muttered almost inaudibly to himself before braking his gaze that had been fixated on the wall opposite him, laying his head back onto the headboard and sighing. Sitting up, but slightly hunched over, he brought his hands up to his face and buried his features into them, rubbing his face a couple of times before letting out a small sigh and looking over to his right.

Randy was laying in what looked like an incredibly cramped position on the small sofa that sat about eight feet away from the bed. A sofa only big enough to fit two sitting people, Randy was a mess of blankets and cushions, as during the night previous, he gathered anything he could in order to make his sleep somewhat comfortable. His left arm was folded across his face while his other arm lay crushed underneath his chiseled abdomen. One leg brought up to his waistline and one stretched out over the edge of the arm-rest, John knew Randy would be aching when he got up.

John's focus turned to his left where he saw both their phones and a bottle of water lie on the bedside table. He'd only inverted his gaze in that direction because he saw a flash of light come from Randy's phone. Not wanting to intrude too much, but still feeling a heightened sense of curiosity, he picked up his phone and swiped down the notifications bar to be met with a flurry of capital letters and curse words. He knew exactly who they where from, and while he didn't take the time to read them, he knew exactly why they had been sent. Randy was here with John and not with them. John but the phone down and sighed once more before hearing an uncomfortable groan come from his side. Turning his head back around he saw Randy trying to stretch what was left in the life of his muscles as he began to fidget around, trying to cling on to the few precious seconds of semi consciousness he had left before reality returned. John couldn't help but smile when he saw Randy ruffle his short head of bed-hair in an attempt to wake himself up. As quickly as this smile appeared, it vanished. He looked away as the guilt began flooding back. It was his fault Randy would be aching for the rest of the day, and it was his fault he has received that angry text message from Sam.

Once again lost in his thoughts, John failed to notice Randy sit himself up in a semi-comfortable position, before rubbing his eyes and looking over to John; sat propped up by a pillow and gazing into what seemed to be a pit of despair.

"Morning champ." Randy said, his voice still groggy from his sleep. John's eyebrows twitched and he immediately looked over towards Randy, who shot him a small smile before stretching once again and slowly rolling his neck a few times. John returned the smile, but even in a state of semi-sleep, Randy knew that the look in Johns eyes meant that the smile wasn't as genuine as John wanted him to believe.

"What's up?" Randy asked, not wanting to seem to demanding, yet quite serious in his tone.

John sighed, trying to create the illusion that he was opening up his thoughts so Randy wouldn't ask any awkward questions.

"I just feel guilty. You really should of taken the bed." John said. While his voice was full of scenecrity, he still felt like Randy has noticed something else because of the pouted lips that has formed on Randy's face.

"No way. It's absolutley fine, I've slept much worse." Randy said with the grogginess slowly leaving his system. His final words followed by a a couple of amused breaths before he began to speak again.

"How's your ribs?"

With everything he had been thinking about in the few short minutes that he had been awake, John completely forgot about what happened to his ribs. John lifted his shirt to reveal a large blotch of battered skin as a result of landing awkwardly whilst going through a table. Randy stood up and apporached John, holding his hand out and running a soft touch along Johns bruised side. John winced at his touch involinatrialy, but he didn't want him to stop. A warm rush of...something shivered through Johns body the second Randys hand had been laid upon it. His soft hand providing a gentle and comforting touch as his nose scrunced; his eyes filled with worry. The pale tone of Johns skin meeting with Randy's tanned flesh providing a wonderful colour comparison as Randy removed his hand, shook his head an sighed.

"I tell ya, they should make going through tables illegal." Randy said, softly. John chuckled in response before Randy grabbed a small wash bag and walked towrds the bathroom, wearing only an old t-shirt and boxer breifs. After a quick stop off at his suitcase to grab some clothes, Randy entered the bathroom and left the door open slightly behind him. John knew Randy wouldn't be comfortable doing that around anybody else but him. He had heard stories about how Randy would pretty much barricade the bathroom door whenever he was showering. John origionally felt like it was a gesture of trust, however he had been led to believe by himself that it was simply something Randy did in case John needed hm for anything, further punishing John into believing that he was an awful, needy friend. These thoughts were broken as he heard Randy shout from the bathroom, his voice muffled by the sounds of the shower running.

"What's the time?"

"8:35", John responded, looking at the time on his phone as he saw that another text had come through from Sam for Randy. Sighing, John put down both phones and pulled himself out of bed. While streching out any cramps he had, he saw Randys head pop out of the bathroom door, toothbrush still in his mouth. Randy began to speak before sighing quietly and removing the toothbrush and continuing.

"Any messages?"

John felt guilt overcome him again as he nodded and went to pass Randy his phone.

"Yeah, a couple. Looks like they're from Sam." John said, trying to hide the fact that his curiousity had led him to check who both messages where from. Randy stopped almost still for about a second before letting out a puff of air and nodding in thanks as John handed him his phone. Retreating back into the bathroom, he heard the shower go off and Randy's hands typing rapidly onto his phone screen. John listened absentmindedly as he gathered together his clothes for the day from his suitcase, before something caught his eye.

John slowly stepped towards the suitcase neighbouring his own as he noticed an old baseball cap peaking out from under Randys clothes. Recognising the colours, he slowly pulled it out to reveal that it was the cap John has given to Randy about 10 years previous. Vivid memoriesplayed through John's mind of him handing the cap over to Randy, who was feeling the effects of the sun during a tour to Austrialia.

Why would he keep this? The question echoed through John's mind before it was interuppted by a peicercing scream intruding his ears from the bathroom. Knowing that it was Sam, John let out a small sigh before he buried the cap back under Randys clothes and laid out his own onto the bed. With the shower turned off, the room was filled with only the voices of Randy and Sam talking over the phone. Randy keeping a suprisingly calm demeinour while Sam screeched as if the apocolypse has cme to St Louis. After a few minutes of just the sound of Sam's voice, John heard Randy let out a defeated sigh before muttering a few words and hanging up. After a few seconds of tense silence, he heard another heavy sigh come from the bathroom before Randy poked his head out once again along with his arm, holding the phone. No words were exchanged as John knew what Randy wanted him to do. A small nod was Randy's repsonce to John taking the phone from his hand and placing it back onto the bedside table. The sound of the shower returned as John sat of the sofa that Randy had been sleeping on just minutes prior. John checked through his phone, trying to do anything that would distract him from his own thoughts.

Eventually, the sound of the shower subsided, and Randy appeared from the bathroom half dressed, his short hair sticking up in different directions. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Randy buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath before lifting his head. John approached slowly and sat beside him, laying a comforting hand onto Randy's shoulder. Finally, John might be able to help Randy instead of the roles being reversed and John being the one who needs the support. No words were exchanged for the half minute that they sat together. They didn't need to talk. That warm surge of comfort simmered throughout John's body once again. These only seemed to happen when they came into contact...

The silence of the room was destroyed by the blaring noise of John's ringtone. With the phone vibrating violently on the bedside table, John looked at Randy and shot him a crooked smile before standing up and walking over to his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey John, it's Paul..."

...

A few minutes later John hung up the call and immeditaly walked over to get his jacket.

"Looks like I'm working today after all" John sighed, secretly pleased that he wouldn't be able to get himself into any awkward situations when he wasn't with Randy. John quickly grabbed his keycard and stopped at the door.

"You gonna be okay?"

"I'll be alright man. I'm gonna be here when you get back."

John shot Randy a friendly smile, which was returned with a sad smile from Randy before John left. The door closed and the room was silent once again; leaving Randy alone with his troubles. The sound of a deep sigh filled the room as Randy rubbed his face a couple of times before standing up and throwing on a t-shirt. He didn't want to be alone, he wanted to be with John. Sat alone in the hotel room, he had no idea that no matter how much he may convince himself to feel differently, John felt exactly the same way.


	2. Chapter 2

Randy was sat on the bed, accompanied by the low sounds of the TV in front of him as he looked through his twitter. If somebody was to observe this, they would think Randy was seemingly unfazed by anything; content with what was happening in his life. The truth being completely different. He was using his phone simply as a distraction to his thoughts. He felt...strange. He felt like something was off. He couldn't pinpoint this feeling, but he knew it was there. He knew that it was eating away at him. He knew that it was causing him to feel things that he'd felt back in the summer of 2006. He didn't want these feelings; he didn't like that he could only relate them back to the worst time of his life.

Letting out a small sigh, he down his phone and picking up the 'things to do in Florida' leaflet that had been left by the hotel, he flicked through the pages before he noticed that a cinema was playing a movie that him and John had wanted to see. Knowing that they had nothing to do for a few days, he figured it would be nice to get out, just the two of them. He booked them two seats through the cinema's website for later that night before continuing with this train of thought. He had no idea why, but all of these feelings he had were swept away whenever he was with John. It was like magic. His presence made everything okay. It was as if he was...

 _No. No way. Can't be._ Randy shook his head to try and destroy these thoughts. _He didn't like John that way. No chance. I mean, sure, he was super comfortable around him and everything. They pretty much knew each other inside out. But all friends are like that...right?_

These thoughts vanished as Randy heard a sound at the door. His head darted in the noises direction as he saw the door open and John walked in, turned to the side.

"Hey!" Randy said, maybe a little to excitedly.

"Hey, how're you doing?" John asked, still turned to the side.

"I'm good, I guess." Randy responded. "Are you alright, why are you turned away from me?"

John didn't respond, instead he let out a small sigh and turned to Randy with a small smile on his face. Randy's facial expression quickly dropped.

"Dude, what happened!" He jumped up off of the bed and approached John, who raised his hand, bringing Randy to a halt.

"Hey, accidents happen." Randy cocked his head to the side and squinted. He was about to speak again before John cut him off.

"They wanted me to film some backstage stuff for Smackdown. They wanted me and Chris to brawl, and he just caught me the wrong way. It'll be okay."

"No, it's not okay." Randy said, his voice stern. "Let me take care of it."

John sighed before stuttering a response. "N..no, it's okay, honestly."

Randy didn't respond, instead he walked into the bathroom and emerged a few seconds later with a wet washcloth. John ghosted his hand over his new shiner as Randy approached cautiously and sat beside him.

"Jesus man. First your ribs, now your face. That guy trying to kill you or something?"

John chuckled, but the chuckle was stopped as Randy placed the washcloth onto John's eye, causing him to hiss in pain.

"Shit! Sorry." Randy said, worried about John's well-being. Randy bought his hand to his side as he watched John drop his head.

John's facial expression turned to one of disgust.

 _It's happening again. How could he let this happen again? He already felt guilty enough after Randy had let him have the bed and helped out with his ribs. He was so fucking needy. What a bitch._

John shivered before rubbing a hand across the good side of his face. Randy just watched on as John had a battle with his thoughts, completely unbeknownst to his friend.

 _He couldn't let Randy know about this. Randy had done more than enough for him, and he couldn't have him feeling sorry for him. He was going through his own shit and John shouldn't be worth his time. He was worthless._

Feeling as if he needed to act strong in front of Randy, John lifted his head up and attempted a smile, but all that he could manage was a tiny lift of the corners of his mouth. Randy's lips parted slightly, distraught over seeing his friend so...so broken. He laid his hand onto John's shoulder, and for John, that was enough.

He stood up rapidly. Randy's hand falling off of his shoulder as he did so. Randy looked up with a confused expression as he watched John reach into his pocket and pull out his phone. He threw the phone down onto the bed as his eyes began to fill with tears.

"I'm not going to be able to say this to you face to face, but I want you to know about something. Go onto the videos section of my phone. There's only one. Please watch it. I'll be back in about an hour. I'm sorry."

Randy looked down at the phone before looking back up towards John, who had already turned for the door. Still confused, Randy couldn't muster up a response before he heard the door close. He picked up John's phone, and looked at the black screen before tapping on the power button. His eyes widened as soon as he saw John's wallpaper. It was a picture of them both, taken about 6 months ago. They both looked so happy. It was before Randy's issues with Sam, and they were both stood outside of an arena. Randy couldn't help but smile before doing as John had requested, and tapping the 'Video' icon. John was right, there was only one. It hadn't be titled, and Randy knew it was from today as John was wearing the same t-shirt he had worn when he left earlier on. Pouting his lips, he clicked on the video. The thumbnail showed John sat inside what looked like a cleaning closet as Randy hit play.


End file.
